


A Road Riddled With Problems

by blazingstar29



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Camelot, Dark, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Food Issues, Force-Feeding, Good Morgana (Merlin), Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Prince Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Gwaine (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26136001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazingstar29/pseuds/blazingstar29
Summary: The years following the day Merlin became Arthur’s servant were eventful. The strain grew heavy upon Merlin had he battled alongside Arthur and with his own destiny. He felt questioned at every turn, every sun rise and sunset.  It was tempting fate to stay he wouldn’t come out unscathed. However, the wounds Merlin suffered could not be seen upon the skin, the scars collected merely waged war within.It was not hard to understand why Merlin merely stopped eating and why Arthur nearly ruined everything trying to help.
Relationships: Gwaine & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Percival (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin & Morgana & Arthur Pendragon, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Percival (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheAsexualofSpades](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAsexualofSpades/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Finish Your Plate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25268929) by [TheAsexualofSpades](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAsexualofSpades/pseuds/TheAsexualofSpades). 



> TRIGGER WARNING 
> 
> *This story deals with eating disorders and disordered eating*
> 
> *This story briefly entails force feeding because Arthur really doesn't know how to help*
> 
> *Honestly if you have any food related triggers this is just no the story for you, I have other Merlin fics if you'd like to check them out.*
> 
> *I have no experience with eating disorders, I tried to make this as accurate and true to life as possible*
> 
> This piece is inspired by Finish Your Plate by TheAexualofSpades, in specific the scene where the Knights realise how light Merlin is.
> 
> Arthur ~is~ a bit of a clot pole in the beginning, but hey character development? 
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

The years following the day Merlin became Arthur’s servant were eventful. The strain grew heavy upon Merlin had he battled alongside Arthur and with his own destiny. He felt questioned at every turn, every sun rise and sunset. It was tempting fate to stay he wouldn’t come out unscathed. However, the wounds Merlin suffered could not be seen upon the skin, the scars collected merely waged war within.

It was not hard to understand why Merlin merely stopped eating and why Arthur nearly ruined everything trying to help.

-

It took a full winter for Arthur to see the damage. As the warmer months came upon them and man and horse shed their coats alike, Merlin hung tight to his jacket. Not even on the hottest day of spring did he even roll up his sleeves. To Arthur, it grew enormous suspicious.

“Merlin you’re making me hot just wearing that jacket do take it off,” Arthur griped as Merlin scribed the floors. The servant didn’t respond and more to the point did not shed his jacket. “Merlin I’m serious. Take it off before you get heat sick.”

“I’m not cold sire,” was the limp reply.

Arthur stopped writing and stared at Merlin with a hard gaze, “take the jacket off.”

His tone left no room for argument so with hesitancy Merlin slid the jacket off folded it by his side and went back to scrubbing. As Merlin bent forward his tunic shifted to reveal his lower spine. It was pointy and jagged in the way only a sick man looked.

Arthur kept quiet as he hatched a plan.

-

A week later Arthur put his plan into action. He asked George to put an order in at the kitchen for two smaller meals to be seven to him. And when Merlin brought in the food, Arthur did something he’d never done before.

“Sit with me Merlin, there’s some things I’d like to discuss, and I fear they will take a long time. I do not wish for you to go hungry.”

Merlin faltered, a foot skittering our beneath him momentarily. Hesitantly, he sat down and watched as Arthur pushed a plate towards him.

Arthur began chattering about patrols and then his father’s eagerness for him to marry some pompous princess. Merlin stirred the stew mindlessly hoping, hoping he could get away with it.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Arthur’s time changed and broke the ambience.

Merlin stuttered for a response but Arthur best him to it, “I can see your spine when your shirt shifts. You must be skin and bones Merlin; you have to eat.”

He ducked his head away from Arthur’s gaze. He heard the prince rise and stand near his left side.

“Arthur please don’t,” he whispered feebly. 

But the prince, sick with worry was blind to the pain he was unintentionally causing. Arthur snaked a hand around Merlin’s shoulder to envelope his right hand which was clenched on the table. Merlin stilled at the touch, frozen. The prince guided Merlin’s hand to the spoon and closed their fists around it.

“Arthur no!” Merlin choked, tears slipping down his face. The spoon was raised to his lips, dripping in stew and Merlin had no other choice but to eat it. He held it in his mouth and for a spit second, he thought about spitting it straight out. Arthur seemed to recognise this and clamp his hand over Merlin’s mouth. The serving boy rocked his head back in shock, every fading fibre screaming to _not eat the food_. Yet Arthur’s hand stayed steady on his face as Merlin’s right hand dropped the spoon like it burned him. Arthur threaded his free hand through Merlin’s hair.

The hand stayed there until he swallowed. Merlin was openly crying as round two started, just as the hand was clamped around his mouth again the door swung open.

In the doorway stood Morgana, her eyes zeroing in on the situation in front of her. Arthur snapped his hand away and Merlin took the chance to spit out the stew.

“Are you force feeding him?” Morgana accused with eyes angry. Arthur fumbled for a response, but Morgana was marching towards him. There was a resounding smack as Morgana struck Arthur’s. “Get out Arthur.”

Like a kicked puppy Arthur fled the chambers with no argument. Morgana carefully took a seat next to Merlin.

“I’m sorry about that. He’s a fool and does not know how to express his concern nor how to help for that matter,” Morgana rearranged the stews back onto the silver tray. “I warned him against asking you to eat with him, let along eating stew.”

She rose to the door and handed off the tray to a servant, before sending a request back up to the kitchen. When Morgana returned to the table Merlin was swiping tears from his face.

“Are you alright Merlin?” She asked sitting next to him and resting a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he assured wetly.

“It’s okay to not be, this, whatever it is has been going on for some time. It is okay to not be okay; we want to help you. I’m afraid Arthur was completely misguided in his actions, stew, even if you wanted to eat it would not have done you any good.”

“I’m not-” Merlin rose his voice but caught himself. “I’m not sick. It’s just something I do to cope y’know? I can control this even when everything else is out of control.”

Morgana sighed painfully, “this isn’t healthy. You’re going to die, please, let us, let me help you. Even when everything is out of control, we can help you control.”

He dropped his head in defeat. There was a knock at the door which drew the attention of the occupants.

“Come in!” Morgana called.

The door opened to reveal an uneasy looking Arthur with a small platter of fruit, “the cook said that this was for you.” Morgana waves her hand at the table. Merlin’s stomach quits churning when he sees that there are only a few fruits. His nerves settled further when Morgana picked up a piece of fruit and began to chew.

_He wasn’t the only one eating, he wasn’t going to be made eat._

Arthur sat casually in a chair; his hands laced in his lap.

“I’m sorry, Merlin. I let my fear blind me. I was so caught up in thinking about how _I_ need you I didn’t think about what _you_ needed. I ploughed on doing what I thought was best for you without consulting you. For that I am deeply sorry, I have caused you great suffering.’

The heartfelt apology was unexpected to both Morgana and Merlin. The servant was speechless for a few moments, “it’s alright.”

And then, for Arthur and only for Arthur. Merlin reached out and took a slice of apple of the plate. No one said anything, the tension grew but it broke when Morgana plucked a berry of the plate and threw it at Arthur.

“Morg- _ana_!”

-

The weeks following were painful. Merlin was resistant to eating with Arthur and picked at food around Morgana and Gaius. It all came to a head on a hunting trip with the knights.

After a long day’s ride, laden down with game, Merlin all but fell off his horse when dismounting it. Merlin found himself looking at his horses’ upper leg as his knees gave out beneath him. 

Leon rounded the front of Merlin’s horse and gave offered a hand. Merlin took it and found himself flying into Leon’s shoulder.

“Christ Merlin, you’re a twig,” Leon laughed. Merlin tried to. Gwaine overheard Leon’s remark and came to see for himself. Completely oblivious to social norms, Gwaine grabbed Merlin’s wrist and found his entire hand overlapped around Merlin’s wrist. 

“Gwaine…” Merlin warned but the knight surged ahead and grabbed Merlin from under his arms and hoisted him up.

“Bloody hell, Merlin would do they feed you, air?” The Irishman chuckled and turned to Percival who was taking off his armour. “Oi Perc, catch.”

For the second time Merlin went tumbling. Gwaine, for all his strength really didn’t put enough power into the toss. Percival found himself having to dash forward a meter to grab Merlin by the shoulders before he hit the dust. Percival held Merlin by the shoulders and could feel the servant’s bones but kept quiet.

Merlin wasn’t exactly thinking to do the same, “I am not something to be just tossed around Gwaine! I’m not one of your sodding helmets or water pouches for you to play piggy in the middle thank you very much!”

“Merlin I,” Gwaine reached a handout but Merlin shoved past to unsaddle his horse. A second later Arthur marched through and smacked Gwaine upside the head.

“You really are an idiot. I’ll explain later, you lot just set up camp,” Arthur snapped.

-

Merlin was unbuckling the girth when Arthur appeared on the over side of the horse to pull the saddle off.

“Are you alright?” The prince asked seeing the greyness on Merlin’s face.

“Fine.”

“I’m sorry about Gwaine, I fear he really lacks understanding of social convention,” Arthur apologised.

“It’s alright,” Merlin said as he began to rub down the sweaty horse. Arthur bend down beneath the horse to meet Merlin’s eyes but the servant moved away to the horses neck

Arthur sighed dramatically, “Merlin look at me. Please.”

Merlin stopped; the rubbing quietened. Judging by the way the horse’s head moved slightly toward Arthur, Merlin was leaning his head against its neck.

Arthur stepped around the horse to see Merlin bracing his head and forearms against the horse.

“Really, are you okay?” Arthur whispered as he absently stroked the horse’s face. Merlin shrugged. “Are you going to eat tonight?”

Merlin didn’t respond. He wanted to crawl up and die, he wanted to sit with Morgana over a fruit platter not face a stew. Arthur ruffled his hair briefly.

“They’re going to want to know, about what’s happening…” Arthur trailed off. He was conflicted between Merlin’s welfare and having more people to look after him and Merlin’s privacy. “I’m gonna go talk to them whilst, whilst you look after the horses. Is that okay?”

When Merlin sighed and dropped his shoulders Arthur squeezed his shoulder and went over the knights.

“We’re going for firewood, let’s go,” Arthur ordered much to the surprise of the knights.

“All of us?” Gwaine questioned indignantly.

“Surely it isn’t going to be that cold? We don’t _all_ need to go,” Leo asked. _No, it wasn’t but Merlin would absolutely freeze with no meat on his bones._

“Now!”

-

Once Arthur was sure they were far enough into the forest he began.

“First things first, we’re going to stop the comments about how skinny Merlin is _and_ throwing him around like a rag doll,” Arthur glared at Gwaine. “The reason being is that Merlin at the best of times doesn’t remember to eat…”

When Arthur trailed off something unsettling twisted in Leon’s gut, “what do you mean at the best of times my lord?”

The prince sighed and rubbed his face, “Merlin is, well he can’t control a lot of things especially as a servant. He is pushed into dangerous missions and he’s put his life on the line so many times. He feels helpless as to what happens and so to compensate, he doesn’t eat.”

A cold mood fell over the group. _Feelings_ wasn’t really any of their strong point and approaching this type of thing from the wrong side would end with Merlin wasting away.

“ _Do not_ be weird about food around him, don’t bombard him with _have you eaten_ or _are you hungry_ because that is the last thing to do. If it comes to that than you eat _with_ him. When we get back to camp don’t talk about it with him, he knows you know but just, just don’t make it a big deal.”

Solemnly the group went back to camp.

-

They ate dinner as usual. Well the knights did, Merlin mostly stared at the pot with fear. Percival, who for being more brain and brawn, had a good grasp on social norms (unlike Gwaine). He reached into his saddle bag and found an apple. It was slightly bruised, but he imagined well, he thought that in Merlin’s condition it would be more appreciated than a rich stew.

“Merlin, apple. Want it?” The group quietened, Arthur sighed because this really wasn’t what he’d asked.

But, to the surprise of the knights, Merlin gave a small smile. Percival lobbed the apple to Merlin who surprised them again.

“Sure, you don’t want to shove it in Gwaine’s mouth to shut him up?”

Laughter filled the air joyously.

It didn’t escape any of their attention that after Merlin finished the apple, he ate the stew. 

-

After going a long time without food, the human body changes. The stomach shrinks, and when you eat what once may have been normal the body doesn’t cope. Long after the knights had fallen to slumber Merlin lay awake. His stomach ached.

_Too much food, too much food, too much food_ it screamed. Merlin wanted it gone, he wanted the pain gone, he wanted the food gone.

As he worked alongside Gaius, he learnt how stomachs worked. When poison is ingested, they try to get the patient to throw up before it is digested too far. Merlin knew if he waited much longer the food in his stomach would be too far down to be ejected.

Quietly Merlin stood from his bedroll and made his way towards the river where no one would here him. Only Merlin didn’t take into account that Elyan is an incredibly light sleeper. The man jumped in front of him from a tree, sword raised.

“Merlin? Where are you going?” Elyan lowered his sword and saw the stricken look on Merlin’s face.

“Please just go back to sleep,” Merlin begged but Elyan could hear the pain in his friend’s voice.

“Where are you going Merlin?” 

“Nowhere just let me go!” Merlin hissed, becoming desperate. He needed the food _outoutoutoutoutoutout_. He wrapped his arms around himself and felt disgusted when he felt his bloated stomach protruding beneath his ribs. Elyan’s eyes followed Merlin’s arms and could see the rough shape of his stomach inflated outwards oddly in comparison to his hollowed ribs. Then it clicked.

“You’re going to make yourself sick, aren’t you?” He asked sheaving his sword. Merlin dropped his head in shame. Elyan had caught Gwen doing the same thing shortly after he was knighted. The rich food that nobility brought had been a shock to both of their system. Gwen hated the new feeling of being to full, between themselves they managed it and became accustomed. “Let’s go back to camp, hey?”

Merlin held his head to the sky in frustration but surrendered to the knight. The pair made their way back to camp when they met Arthur returning from sentry.

His eyes showed concern as he glanced over the two, “what happened?”

“Nothing sire, Merlin and I went for a walk,” Elyan lied. Arthur’s eyes fell quickly to Merlin who looked uncomfortable.

The three went back to camp but as they neared the clearing Arthur tugged Elyan off to the far side. Brash and obvious but he was scared.

“What happened Elyan, the truth?’ Arthur ordered.

“Nothing, well almost nothing. Think about it, Merlin has been eating the bare minimum for who knows how long. Tonight he’s eaten an apple and stew, rich stew. His body doesn’t know how to cope with that much food, it was causing him pain and he wanted it gone…so he went to go make himself be sick.”

Arthur blanched, “thank you for stopping that before it could become another problem.”

“My lord, I fear that the road ahead of us is already riddled with problems.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They thought Merlin was getting better.  
> They were wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much MediocreServant_aka_SirSimsalot for their ideas!
> 
> Trigger warning for body reveal.

Arthur thought Merlin was getting better.

Morgana thought Merlin was getting better.

Gwaine thought Merlin was getting better.

Leon thought Merlin was getting better.

Percival thought Merlin was getting better.

Elyan thought Merlin was getting better.

They all _thought_ Merlin was getting better. Arthur stopped beating him that he was useless during training or bandit attacks. The knights all made sure that Merlin was never in harm’s way. Morgan gave him a sense of normality by having a light morning tea most days. Even Gwen, who knew nothing of the situation, stopped frowning gently every time she saw him.

They all tried to give him a sense of control in life, letting him take the reins where possible. But it wasn’t enough.

On yet another of their endless trips to another kingdom so Arthur could show off to Princesses. (And future brides, Uther hoped). They were court in a heinous windstorm, as the horses grew spooked and uncontrollable, they set up a brief camp riverside. With the Knight’s water pouches Merlin knelt by the river refilling them. The wind was growing so strong it was threatening to shift the knights which meant that Merlin was struggling to stay steady with his light frame. As he stood too quickly, stars dazzled across his eyes and a gust of wind pushed him from behind.

Before anyone could help Merlin was knocked into the churning river. It was shallow but water pushed his head against the rocks of the riverbed. He was only under a few seconds before Percival grabbed the back of his shirt and hauled him on the riverbank. Merlin gasped for air and instantly began to shiver as the windchill blew through his wet clothes.

Arthur knelt beside him brushing Merlin’s wet hair that stuck to his face away before he turned back to Elyan, “get him some clothes out of my pack he’s going to freeze!”

Elyan nodded and ran to go get them. Arthur unbuckled his cloak and lay it across Merlin. The wind barley got through their metal armour. Elyan came back with a shirt and pants. Arthur took them and set one knee on the clothes to stop them flying off before he helped Merlin sit up.

As his hand brushed against the still bony spine he remembered, “go get that fire started!”

Leon, Elyan and Percival turned away to finish the camp but Gwaine stayed behind, he had yet to say anything but one warning look to Arthur and the prince stayed quiet.

Gwaine used the ends of his cloak to dry some of Merlin’s hair whilst Arthur handled manoeuvring Merlin’s limbs. The servant was shutting down from the cold. Arthur finally got Merlin’s arms inside and was pulled the shirt up over his head.

Arthur didn’t expect this.

He never expected it to get this bad.

And judging by Gwaine’s, neither did he.

Neither knights commented as they replaced the sopping shirt, but the tension spoke for itself. Merlin’s ribs were poking through his skin, his stomach was a concave covered in fine hairs nothing like Arthur or Gwaine had seen. Arthur tried to ignore it. He helped Merlin into dry clothes and wrapped him in a cloak. Colour was returning to Merlin’s face and he was beginning to tell Arthur he was fussing even though Arthur was very clearly stony faced and Gwaine was the one fussing.

But they all saw it, even in the fading light Elyan, Percival and Leon had glanced over and saw Merlin’s bony spine and his ribs showing. 

It terrified them all. They’re friend was in danger and there was no enemy to fight, there was no banner or boarder on a map. Their friend was an enemy unto himself.

And the worst part was none of them knew how to help.

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know if I'm going to add another chapter to this, so if you enjoyed it feel free to comment any prompts :)


End file.
